Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Mature Content

or, enter your birth date.



Please enter a valid date format (mm-dd-yyyy)
Please confirm you have reviewed DeviantArt's Terms of Service below.
* We do not retain your date-of-birth information.
On some of the earth's very best days, one hundred and fifty thousand people die, and so for that reason I find donating blood and organs to be very important. My blood type is relatively rare, and so I'm a person who finds themselves frequently giving in to the demand of their assets. I've been a blood donor since 1996 after I first murdered a teenage girl in the yellow corn fields of Illinois. I was told I saved three lives that day, and I have no doubt that I did.

I spent a good deal of time building my house, which is very quaint and stands like a single, unmoving tooth that juts from the earth, as if the planet's crust was punctured by a wooly giant who had tried to devour it in a single crunching bite. Sometimes I live in Iowa, and sometimes I don't, when the steely grass sways like pieces of wire beneath a silver Midwestern sky and I miss the smell of Florida. They found the woman I dismembered in the same year I donated bone marrow for the first time, and it was also the year I nailed a little Polish girl to Saint Peter's cross. They were unable to locate the head, which I still have in a small box somewhere.

I became a registered organ donor in 2006 while I was living in Tucson. A single organ donor can save up to eight human lives, which is very interesting because I take about six human lives in about an eight month period. I believe that this is around the same time that I started donating skin grafts to burn victims, but it could have been later than that. I remember that in 2008 a woman who was wearing strips of my left thigh on her melted face shook my hand and thanked me in a garbled, drowning voice. She could have been smiling, but I'm not sure because it looked as if she had been born made of rubber.  

The home that I have in Washington is in a suburban area. Though I'm there only infrequently, I keep my lawn and landscaping in the most perfect order, although the inside of the house has very little in it. It was mid-summer when I strangled the landscaper with a garden hose until his face was blue and his neck wore a fat circular bruise like a necklace of permanent pain. I would have buried him in the rich, brown mulch of the garden that he'd put together for me, but I had an appointment with the Red Cross so I folded him like a dirty shirt and shoved him into a crawl space instead.

My arms are lined with the black bruises of sacrifice and my skin ripples with the many bubbling and dimpling scars of my vicious selflessness. I give and take with such violence and kindness that it often seems as if I swell with duality, that a black ocean of pluralism rocks and sways inside me like dark wine in a shaken bottle. I am cleansed with salt, I am covered in oil. The world is crushed beneath my hand and I am swept away in a gust of wind where I disappear forever.

A few weeks ago I found a road kill cat at the side of the highway and I smashed it against my wooden floor so the smell of wet decay would seep into every inch of every thing that I owned. I shoved my fist into its oozing belly and disemboweled it with my hands, tearing apart the pink and purple ropey intestines with my teeth, ripping like a hungry dog, roaring like a monster and lapping at the jagged, flapping abdominal wound. I tore the meat and fur away from the bone and cracked the spine away, pulling it from the appendages like a child ripping the cardboard strip off a new box of breakfast cereal. In my walk-in closet I slid the head through the triangle space of a clothes hanger, the long column of bones dangling like a skeletal tail. I scrubbed my floor on my hands and knees like a dismal Cinderella and it took me three hours to realize I had been using a flayed handful of cat flesh as a rag.

Some time recently I bought a nail gun from a hardware store and used it to shoot holes in two sisters that I was keeping in my master bathroom. They made sounds like moaning cows, as if they were communicating in a secret language of suffering. One gurgled through the hole in her cheek and I couldn't make out what she was saying and I wanted to, but it was time for me to donate platelets. I killed them quickly later and I know they would have thanked me for eternity for the release.

In the very depths of my heart I know that my time is coming to an end. I am running out of things to give. I popped off my thumb nails with pliers and taped the bloody shapes to the wall in hopes that someone would come and take them, but no one did.

I am on the brink of inequality. I am on the verge of singularity.

The organ donor card that I got for myself those years ago is in the breast pocket of my shirt, and it's there beside my heartbeat, being drummed by the stampede of pulses. I killed her, a young woman, fat, pretty, and I slid my knife into her like she was made of the silkiest butter, imported from the dairy farms of France. She was screaming and I killed her, and while she was still alive I pulled apart the slits I had made so I could see the curdled yellow mush of fat that bloated her carpet of skin. I broke her face with my foot for no other reason than because I could. She was making bubbly groaning sounds when I tried to lift her into a dumpster. She was too heavy so I left her hanging mostly over the edge, her thick ankles sticking in the air like tree branches stuck in mud.

I jumped from a chair and broke my neck in a final act of ultimate balance. And I can't move or really see, but in the ambulance I become very acutely aware that I'm going to die. I am peace. I am chaos. I am duality. I have achieved equality.

There's someone putting an air mask over my face though I know I'm about to die, and the person adjusting it seems to know this as well. He's saying that they found my card, and it's a good thing they did because they just admitted someone with the same rare blood type as me. I could probably save her life. They found her not too far away. She was stabbed fourteen times and needs a transfusion.
I don't know what this is or how I wrote it sober.

Thank you so much for the Daily Deviation! I am so grateful! If you're interested in this story, it's included in my book of the same name which you can purchase here. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Add a Comment:

Daily Deviation

Given 2012-11-24
Organ Grinder. by ~Kill-Natalie is deliciously descriptive. ( Featured by neurotype )
Jeffthekillerxkarkat Featured By Owner May 12, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
this is pretty dark! I like it!
PsychoTeddyBear1985 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Student Writer
<3 it
xSpiritSingerx Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know what this is, but it's beautiful, Well done.
DalekCaanII Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I have no words.. it's too perfect.
brooklynn620 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Lucy - WTH Holy rat tooth glad I came across this in DD. Congrats by the way :)
eyesoftheabyss Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014
Interesting concept, it is very well written. Great job it is amazing.
Morticia-Lynne Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Student Writer
 *slow clap* Well-played. Well-played.
chuchummm Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I just fell in love. That is beautiful.
Mery4411 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2013
Daaaaaaammmmn. Wonderful:)
IWantToBeEmmaPeel Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
This is phenomenal. Wonderful and disturbing and beautiful and insane.

You are very talented.
Killer-Instincts Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2013
I literally cannot even...
~ This is the best fucking thing I've read ~
CreaturaOculta Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Student General Artist
very cool
randomfreakygothgirl Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Professional General Artist
I simply adore this, it's a perfect short story. I love the duality of the main character, how he/she's a murderer yet also helps save lives as well. Infinitely interesting. =D
DeadVelvetCupcakes Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is outright mad, beautifully frightening, and 100% genius. Well done <3
Devereux-Hyde Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
I don't know if you have ever read any of Clive Barker's short stories in his Books of Blood, but this is something that swims with the same kind of literary genius. I love this kind of detached style that tells the reader that the main character is, within their own mind, completely sane... it's just that the rest of the world's order does not fit with their reasoning. Very good read, and brilliant idea :)
RinTheRainicorn Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I absolutely LOVE it!! *o*
taurustavros Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
Wow i can't believe how amazing this is cx
So awesome!!
BridgetGirl Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
awesome.. gonna take a pic with my mind :D
martyrofmyself Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
Ah, wonderful! Such macabre indifference to these acts of violence - towards others and unto oneself - is quite beautiful, especially in the style you write it. I've recently been watching a lot of your YouTube videos, and I'm hoping to get your book as soon as I can: it sounds brilliant!
Thank you for this lovely piece of literature; it's so rare that you find eloquent young people like yourself these days. I myself am only 13 years old (I accidentally set my date of birth to 1989, but at least I can read things such as this now) and I find it horrible when people tYP LiK Ths LoL. It's just...terrible.
But yes, anyway. I appreciate the level of gore and a theme of ongoing life and death, and I hope to be reading this book as soon as I can. Gorgeous description, Natalie!
xxXcarmy117Xx Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012
Dark and macabre, with a clever choice of words coupled with haunting descriptions that it gives me a vivid image of the scenes playing out in my head.

I presume this is about 'saving lives while taking lives'. I'm studying medicine, and I find organ donations a fascinating topic.

*excuse my grammar, I'm not a native English speaker*
ruru495 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012
i love this
kuku2coco Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
wow thats was extraordinary and gory... great diction and use of figurative language
MrWootton Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Writer
Lots of fun, stopping just shy of too much "ick" =D
AkaneDespair Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is absolutely beautiful, I'm so happy right now. I can see the images so clearly in my mind. I especially love the sisters and the nail gun, I can practically hear their moans of pain.
Bl3YOND-BIRTHDAY Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
love. it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zoey2070 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
omggg. Congratulations! I follow you on Youtube and Tumblr and hahaha congratulations.
WaltzingChicken Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Brilliant. Simply brilliant. I love the mindset of the persona that is thinking it is a simple, acceptable act to take the lives of these people and that the main character is doing a good thing by being a donor, but completely contradicts the fine act by committing murder on these people. Such an amazing piece of work, you are very gifted!
liar-tsu Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
this is so great.

there are no words.
Artemismoon12 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm loving this story. Completely macabre and the way it's written, in the short sentences matched with long, not at all 'over the top'. It's dramatic without saying it's dramatic. If anything it highlights more of the drama in the character's mind. Brilliant! I could never hate a good old fashioned messy serial killer.
crimson-whitefang Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Artist
You certainly have a way with words! I started just skimming through, but at about a third of the way in, I had to go back and read it properly. I was able to very clearly picture the story as I read it...disturbing really, but that is part of what makes an amazing writer :) :+devwatch:
SpartanLion Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
I loved this line: "I am running out of things to give. I popped off my thumb nails with pliers and taped the bloody shapes to the wall in hopes that someone would come and take them, but no one did. " XD Thank you for writing this :D
Ad-Kins Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
I don't think I've ever been able to gag at something and call it beautiful at the same time until now. This is just brilliant.
Cassildra Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Professional Writer
This... is incredibly detailed and dark. I found myself cringing a number of times.


Your style of prose is stark and gripping, and I found myself unable to turn away for more than an instant. I had to know. I believe that you are brilliant.
Wyvern-1 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
Ah! The irony! :D
SilverNGoldWings Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Ewwww guts
a-meowing-bird Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
YAY! Natalie you got a DD :D You deserved it my little gothberry!
Kill-Natalie Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
TheExplosiveSushi Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Galaxiee Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Photographer
:heart: I love this
BelloTempestade Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
So gross and horrifying, yet so well-written and engrossing. This is masterfully written!
Lacewinged-Beauty Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012   Writer

Absolutely fantastic! :D
Cesia Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012

I couldn't stop reading it, and I don't know why. That was incredibly gripping, chilling... brilliantly executed.
frogeyedape Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. Grotesquely macabre, very well written. I might suggest that you change one teensy little thing that distracted me for a second--"I broke her face with my foot for no other reason than because I could"--change "because" to "that".
iluvart88 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
i was so disgusted i couldn't stop reading. good job writing this
KakotheShadowWolf Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This was an amazing writing. I enjoyed it a lot! I found there to be a good amount of irony in this---what should I call it?---short story.
All in all, I really loved it---I hope you've written more, and will probably skim through your gallery to check. :)
Again, this was a great story, and I adored it. It kept me transfixed through to the end, although only a short twelve paragraphs long.

I can find no flaw in this at all. Wonderful work!
Ebonstorm Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Professional Writer
Bizarre. But nicely so. Done properly a very nice novella this could make. Chilling...
arcane66 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
wow,that was increadibly gory and dark,frankly i love it.
very nice.
KuroiKetsurou Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
Wow. Intense, and a little dark, but surprisingly extremely likable! Love the ironic ending, too! ^^ Well worth the DD - congrats!
Karinta Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student General Artist
Whoa. I love it, yet it's incredibly macabre!
laurotica Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012   Writer
This is fantastic horror, some of the best on this website. I enjoyed that there was no dialogue, only the inner thoughts of the narrator as he remembers quite the career of a murderer. Deliciously descriptive indeed. Well done :clap:
Add a Comment:

:iconkill-natalie: More from Kill-Natalie

Featured in Collections

Poetry and such by belfasterd

Literature by drawnbymadness

Writing by YamiNoSophie

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
May 27, 2012
File Size
6.1 KB
Submitted with
Mature Content


11,797 (3 today)
424 (who?)